Many girls When they get married, they draw pictures of a beautiful life in their imagination like this: after a few years of marriage, the husband will make a career or create a business, they will have children, the husband will carry her in his arms and be grateful to her all his life. But in reality it turns out differently. Just a few months later life together wives begin to complain that the husband turned out to be greedy, is not at all interested in her life and she does not even have the desire to talk to him. The "weather" in the house deteriorates many times over if a child is born in the family. After all, the birth of a child strengthens the family only when love and mutual understanding reign between the spouses. Where there are no deep feelings, the child will not be able to save from divorce. With the birth of a child in such families, relations are aggravated even more.

Before consider the problem of strengthening the family, I want to tell you a Polish parable: "In a small town there lived a teacher - an old sage. Once he saw his student catch a lot of fish, cook it and now eat it with appetite. The sage asked his student:" Why did you impose so many fish in the plate?" He replied, "I love fish!" The teacher shook his head and said, "If you loved fish, you would leave it in the water. And then I see you love yourself and your belly. There is no need to talk about love for fish when you are pleased to eat it. "This is the problem of relationships in many families. The love that many spouses are talking about is not love at all. More precisely, love, but not for a spouse, but for oneself True, faithful and eternal love for yourself.Often this love knows no boundaries and becomes the cause of the collapse of the family.

From the birth the girl dreams of marrying a "prince" who will provide her with a happy and rich life. And she represents all of this. In fact, marriage with such an attitude towards family life is doomed in advance, because it is like a trade agreement: I to you - you to me. The one who truly loves every minute thinks only about how to make his spouse happy. It doesn't matter to him whether he is a "prince" or an ordinary person. The main thing is that he began to live better next to her.

We are not re going accuse all girls of selfishness and inability to love. No one has taught them to think differently since childhood. Everyone around them talked about love, but no one explained how it should manifest itself. So the girls take "love for fish" for real feelings, and after marriage, the romantic veil quickly falls from their eyes and bitter disappointment comes. The retribution for this mistake is a long family life, when two people who are strangers to each other are forced to live under the same roof. The only way out of this impasse is by filing for divorce, which many spouses do not dare to do so as not to cause severe injury to the child or because of the fear of losing what they have gained over the years of marriage.

Family- it's a lot of work. Therefore, you need to marry the person whom you are ready to accept as he is and during your life together try to make him better. Only the one in whom we invest strength and effort becomes dearer and more beloved to us every day. There is no need to prove this truth. After all, every mother loves her children no matter what, even if they give her a lot of trouble and trouble. Therefore, in order to truly love your husband, you need to start taking care of him. Certainly not in the sense of wiping his nose and changing his pants like a child. Just understand him, imagine him as your "child", start investing your strength, knowledge and means so that he achieves success. Each person loves, first of all, himself, and only those who are the creation of our hands or the result of our labor become dear and beloved to us, because they merge with us and become part of us.

Only sacrificing herself for the sake of a beloved man, a woman experiences feelings of affection, devotion and respect for him. Only these feelings can give a sense of joy in family life. This is how wives treat their husbands in real families, where spouses live happily ever after. They enjoy the fact that her husband enjoys her attention and care for him. Happy in marriage are those women who know how to give more than they take.

Of course here each a woman has the right to be indignant and say: “Let’s say, from tomorrow I will take on all household duties - I will cook delicious food every day, keep the house clean and tidy, take care of the child, buy groceries, pay rent, wash, iron and still walk to work. I will give and give, but what in return?". But your goal should now be formulated a little differently. After all, the desire to get something in return is also consumption. Learn to give just to please yourself. Look at your husband from the other side, remember why you liked him before the wedding? Then build communication with him, taking into account those positive traits of his character, for which you chose him as your life partner. Try to develop these positive features and then those shortcomings that annoy you now will become invisible. The husband will definitely feel how you have changed for the better and this will certainly affect not only relations with him, but also in his desire to take better care of the family and make your life happy.

Not worth it forget that every man creates a family, hoping that his wife will surround him with love and attention, and in order to bring their hope to life, not so much is needed.

Overcome laziness and start working on a par with her husband. No need to wait for someone to provide you with a decent life, look for ways out of this situation yourself and offer your husband ideas that will help him achieve good success. If you think that you are only a weak and helpless woman, then you should not demand from your husband that he "conquer the heights" and provide for the family better.

The family is a small separate state with its own laws, traditions, characteristics and policies. The relationship between spouses is a complex and incomprehensible substance that scientists have been studying for many centuries. In today's society, more and more marriages fail in the first few years after a marriage or cohabitation begins. This trend raises a lot of questions not only among psychologists, but also among those who want to save. Why is this happening? How to avoid quarrels and conflicts? Why do people in love cheat? How to save a family and resurrect old feelings? These and many more questions can be answered if you understand what crises happen in married life, how relations between partners develop, and what are the causes of conflicts.

Stages of family and marriage development

1. "Candy-bouquet" period or the stage of falling in love. It lasts from several months to a year. At this time, partners try to get to know each other better, demonstrate their own and win their soul mate.
2. Addictive. This is the second stage of development, which follows falling in love. Spouses have to look for compromises and ways to solve common problems that would satisfy both parties. During this period, ambitions, plans, life positions and values ​​of each of them surface. If the vision of the future does not match, interests are born.
3. Search for compromises. At this stage in the development of the psychology of family relations, there is a search for alternative solutions that would satisfy both parties.
4. Household routine. Relationships become even and smooth, without surprises, predictable. Boredom in marriage replaces former passion.
5. Maturity. During this period, the family is a strong and reliable rear for each of the spouses. Its main components are respect and trust, and the foundation is the years lived together and the difficulties experienced.

Crisis periods in relationships

The psychology of family relations of a wife and husband is studying that happen on their life path. About how important it is to compromise and experience crises together, Carl Rogers, a world-famous psychologist, writes in detail in his book “Marriage and Its Alternatives. Positive psychology of family relations".

The crisis period is a kind of transitional period in relations to the next stage of their development. Family psychologists whose help can be found highlight the following crises:

• the first year of living together is a period when a man and a woman are just beginning to get used to changes, form an intra-family "charter", get used to the presence of another person on their territory, in their personal space;
• 3 - 5 years - there is a test of everyday life, children, greater responsibility and new responsibilities;
• 7 - 9 years - the relationship is calm, insipid, boredom overcomes the spouses, they begin to look for a drive on the side;
• 15 - 20 years - many years lived together are behind, adult children leave the parental nest, spouses remain alone, they stand at a fork in their life path and decide where to go next.

The first ten years of marriage are continuous. Husband and wife, step by step, learn to be one, share one territory, raise children, overcome life's difficulties together, seek mutual solutions to problems. It is during this period that most couples get divorced, never finding the strength or desire to overcome obstacles in their path and save the marriage. When the children have grown up, family relationships will have to go through a new test - to learn to live without them, for themselves.

Common causes of intra-family conflicts

Each family psychologist, working with couples, notes several main causes of conflicts at different stages of relationship development:

• each spouse subjectively assesses the situation, as a result of which the assessment of the same circumstance does not coincide with the opinion of the partner;
• difficulties or troubles at work, experienced stress outside the home and family;
• misunderstanding of each other, conversation on different languages;
• lack of personal space for one or both partners;
• inability to receive and give gifts;
• inability to ask;
• lack of "team play".

There are no two people whose opinions and views would completely coincide. It is not surprising that spouses can evaluate certain things and events in different ways. If in this case they do not find an alternative solution and do not compromise, then they are tied up, which a family psychologist will help to decide.

Everyone has problems, an angry boss or salary delays, but not everyone is given the ability to cope with negative emotions and feelings caused by these troubles. After work, in a bad mood or with a sense of resentment and rage, one of the spouses returns home and begins to break down on his partner. Such behavior is one of the causes of conflicts, which can be identified when diagnosing family problems at a psychologist's appointment.

Men and women seem to speak the same language, pronounce the same phrases and sentences, but put different meanings into them. In this situation, it seems that the spouses do not hear or do not want to do this, but they simply do not understand each other. Help solve this problem psychologist's advice.

A woman always wants to be close to her man, and it is important for him to have his own personal space. If this is not the case, the spouse feels insolvent and flawed, which is why marital quarrels begin.

Building strong family relationships means playing as a team. There should be no competition here, friendship should win in any dispute and issue. How to save a marriage if everyone "pulls the blanket" on themselves?

The psychology of the family and family relations, as well as understanding all its subtleties, is the first step towards resolving all conflicts and overcoming difficulties. If it is difficult to deal with problems and solve them, to hear and understand each other, then a family psychologist can help find a way out of this situation.

Effective solution of family problems and overcoming life's difficulties

Recently, the psychology of family relations between a wife and a husband, who find it difficult to overcome crises on their own and save the family, has become relevant. A family psychologist can help deal with yourself, understand what one partner wants and what one partner expects from the other, “puts everything on the shelves” and pushes you to make the right decision. Every day more and more couples seek qualified help from professionals who are looking for the root of the problem. There is no one guilty in any conflict, both sides are always to blame to a greater or lesser extent. The main task of a family psychologist is to let each of the partners understand what their problem is and how each of them can influence what is happening. When there is an awareness of one's mistakes and an understanding of the desires and needs of a loved one, then everything immediately falls into place.

Diagnosis of family relationships is carried out during individual work psychologist with each partner individually and together. Psychotherapy is a modern method of solving problems in marriage. During the session, the most effective methods of psychological diagnostics are used to reveal the root of the problem and identify the true cause of conflicts between spouses. Then the family psychologist uses effective methods of psychocorrection, thanks to which he helps the couple solve their problem with minimal effort and time.

A professional approach to solving marital problems will provide an opportunity to get to know and understand each other better, resurrect faded feelings, bring some zest and passion to life. A family psychologist will help not only find a common language with your soulmate, but also get rid of prejudices and complexes, fears that prevent you from building a happy healthy family.

Is there life after marriage? More precisely, is there a happy life after marriage? Why do quarrels, misunderstandings and disagreements arise between young spouses, and not only young ones? What is their cause and how can relationships be established and mutual understanding reached. Such questions concern many spouses, both young and with a decent "experience" of living together.

Almost all quarrels and disagreements in the family are solvable if you know what causes them and what needs to be done to improve relations in marriage.

Let's first analyze the necessary conditions for a happy relationship in marriage, which are, one might say, a guarantee that there will be no serious conflicts and disagreements. Of course, they should first of all be known to those who. Well, for those who are already married, not everything is lost either, there are ways to improve relations between husband and wife, but more on that later.

So, the necessary conditions, prerequisites for a happy relationship in marriage:

1)Achievement of emotional and economic independence. Before marriage, it is necessary to separate emotionally and financially from parents or from previous spouses.

2) Complementary compatibility of spouses. In what it is expressed: the spouses occupy the same position in relation to each other, which they had in relation to their brothers and sisters in the parental family. For example, the husband was the eldest child in the family, and the wife, on the contrary, the youngest. In this case, complementary compatibility is maintained. If, for example, both were the eldest children in the family, then conflicts may arise on the basis of power - "Who is in charge in the family."

3) Docking according to beliefs and stereotypes of the behavior of husband and wife accepted in the family of parents. Otherwise, this phenomenon is also called the grinding of characters, but in reality, grinding of stereotypes occurs. For example, in the husband's family, it was believed that the breadwinner of the family should be a man, and the wife should only take care of the household and children. And in the wife's family, it was the norm that both spouses work and equally take care of the household and children. In this case, quarrels and misunderstandings are likely before the spouses find a compromise convenient for both or come to an agreement that suits both.

Another case from the same point. In the husband's family, guests could run in without warning of their arrival, without warning in advance. In the wife's family, visits to guests were strictly regulated - who would come when, what time and for how long. And here it is also necessary to take into account how much each of the spouses liked the established rules and habits of the parental family. If they didn’t like it and he dreamed of a completely different way of life, principles of communication, then the rules introduced in the parental family of the other spouse and now automatically introduced in the new family, on the contrary, can only please. The only thing is that you don’t have to endure the orders that were introduced in the parental family. After all, it often happens that spouses take them for granted and continue to support them in their family, believing that by doing so they are doing the only right way. And it happens like in that bearded joke. On the 50th wedding anniversary, the grandmother confesses that she always cut and gave a crust of bread to her grandfather as a token of her love for him. Although she herself always wanted to taste this pink salmon, she considered it the most delicious piece of bread and shared it with her loved one. And grandfather, who never liked pink salmon, endured and ate it so as not to offend his grandmother, thereby also, as he thought, expressing his love for her.

Thus, you don't have to wait until the 50th wedding anniversary to openly express your preferences, perhaps your spouse also endures in silence, in the hope of meeting your expectations. You need to openly discuss what you don’t like, not hoping that your significant other will read your thoughts and guess for yourself what you would really like. And then hidden grievances against each other or for a difficult life will not accumulate. And the latter will bring much more joy and satisfaction.

4) Common area (housing) and joint household. I think everything is clear here.

5) A feeling of love and respect for a partner, the presence of common interests and the similarity of values. Trite, but always true. It will be easier for spouses who love and respect each other to find a common language, to agree despite other disagreements, contradictions and inconsistencies.

6) Formed and clearly defined structure family roles. What it is expressed in: each member of the family is assigned their own roles, rules of conduct, rights and obligations arising from them. Specialists in the field of family psychology have found out what roles must be performed by family members so that family relationships are smooth and peaceful, and everyone is happy.

There are few of these roles, the only condition is that they must all be occupied, distributed among family members. Family roles can be distributed between spouses either 50 to 50, or one person takes over b O greater (or main) responsibility and, accordingly, the powers arising from it in this area.

What are these roles:

1. The role of the breadwinner, earner of money, financially providing for the family. Options for the distribution of this role: either both equally, or the contribution of one of the spouses significantly exceeds the material support of the family (up to the complete assumption of the role of the breadwinner).

2. The role of the hostess (master) responsible for housekeeping in the house. Often this role is given to someone who does not bear the responsibility of the breadwinner of the family, or is distributed equally between spouses.

3. The role of the responsible child caregiver. Here in question on the care of a newborn and a child not older than three years. In most cases, this role is unconditionally given to the mother of the child.

4. The role of the educator of children. Who will be involved in the upbringing of grown children: both equally or someone's contribution will be more significant than the second spouse.

5. The role of the sexual partner. Whoever takes the initiative to intimacy first is responsible for the variety of sexual life. Again, the distribution of this role can be even between both spouses, or someone will take the big or main initiative.

6. The role of the organizer of leisure. Who will take the initiative in the field of leisure for the family. In other words, he will take on the role of an entertainment organizer for an interesting and fun pastime with his family. What is included here: trips to visit, to the cinema, exhibitions, museums, field trips, organization of holidays, vacation planning, etc.

7.The role of the organizer of the family subculture. What is a subculture? This is a group of people (in our case, a family) who have common interests, deeds and problems with each other. The role of the organizer of a family subculture includes the formation of certain cultural values, worldview, political beliefs, religion, etc. among family members.

8. The role of the person responsible for maintaining family ties. Who will organize communication with relatives? Follow the participation in family meetings, holidays and other well-established ceremonies?

9. The role of the psychotherapist. Who in the family is always (or most often) ready to listen, understand, support, help sort out the problem?..

And here we come to the most basic. Why do conflicts arise that can last even for years. Although, in the norm, they are often inherent only to newlyweds and all issues of the distribution of roles are resolved during the period of "grinding in characters."

So, quarrels between spouses arise when the above-described roles are not clearly distributed, not verbally agreed between each other. Or both spouses equally apply for the same role, and both want to bear more responsibility for it, to have more weight in making decisions regarding a particular area of ​​family life. Or it happens the other way around, none of the spouses wants to take the initiative and take on some of the roles (and sometimes does not even know about its existence). The place remains "vacant", friction and misunderstandings arise due to the fact that no one wants to fill the gap in the distribution of family roles. Or both spouses, relying on the stereotypes that were accepted in the parental family, consider it obligatory to take this role on themselves (or give it to the spouse), and they are sure that the spouse should think the same way as he does. Not taking into account the fact that the way of life in the parental family of the other spouse could be completely different and he, in turn, may not even be aware of the obligations imposed on him. Sometimes spouses completely ignore the need to distribute roles that seem insignificant, for example, as an organizer of leisure or playing the role of a family psychotherapist. Everyone expects the other to support and listen to him, and he must always be heard and understood. Or conflicts arise during each holiday, vacation, repair, because the role of the organizer of this event by default is unconsciously assigned to another spouse, and he, in turn, may not even guess about the partner's expectations.

Therefore, for everyone, but in a constant situation of family war, psychologists suggest discussing the following questions with each other (see Appendix to the article) in order to eliminate all possible causes of quarrels and misunderstandings. And you need to try to reach a compromise or come to an option that would suit both. Don't give in on what's important to you - give in on minor things so your spouse can do the same for you on what's important great importance for you.

What else can cause quarrels between spouses related to the distribution of roles in the family.

Sometimes the roles contradict each other, or one of the spouses is charged (by his tacit consent or to complete displeasure) with too many roles and the obligations and responsibilities associated with them.

There is another extreme - one of the spouses, considering himself the most competent in all areas, heroically takes on almost all roles. What remains for the other - he feels unnecessary, devalued, not worthy of respect and, in general, cannot find his place in the family. In this case, it remains either to endure, with the threat of losing self-respect in one's own eyes and in the eyes of loved ones, or to run away from the family to hell, where he will be needed and valuable, will be able to realize his abilities and capabilities.

The general rule for eliminating quarrels in the family is that all roles assumed by family members must correspond to their capabilities and the desire of each individual family member to fulfill this particular role. The person who performs this or that role must feel that he is fulfilling an important and valuable role. For example, one should not underestimate housework or childcare, assuming that the most important role is to provide for the family financially. All roles are equally important and necessary if the spouses want to live happily, peacefully, amicably, feeling the satisfaction of being part of their family.

When distributing roles, to avoid conflicts, it is not necessary to directly indicate to the spouse what he should do. First you need to identify the roles that you would like to take on and listen to his counter wishes. Further share equally the responsibility in those roles that you would like to perform both. And then, based on the capabilities and preferences of your own and your partner, distribute the remaining unoccupied roles.

If some roles remain unoccupied by the spouses, then there is a high probability that someone else will appear, "extra", not directly related to this family, who will take on the performance of these roles, which in turn can lead to discord between spouses.

Well, the last thing spouses need to know in order to prevent conflicts is that the distribution of roles can change over time, so they need to be coordinated with each other at each stage. life cycle families.

Application. Questions to spouses regarding the distribution of roles in the family.

To diagnose spontaneously formed family roles in order to correct them in order to resolve quarrels between spouses, it is recommended to pass a test Questionnaire "Distribution of roles in the family".

Quarrels in the family. Lapping of characters. How to improve the relationship between husband and wife?

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The psychology of family relations studies problematic issues and situations that arise in the field of realization of personal aspirations, goals in family relationships. Almost every individual today is faced with the problems of maintaining and maintaining warm family relationships. It often happens that the longer the time of cohabitation of partners, the sharper the disagreements, conflicts, emotional reactions to each other. The family is the most important social institution that affects both the individual and society as a whole. It is characterized by a rather difficult relationship between two different individuals.

Family relationships

Each family is a small socio-psychological collective or group based on personal and trusting relationships between two spouses, their parents and children. Its structure, social activity, moral and psychological climate depend not only on conditions of a total nature, patterns and general circumstances, but also on specific situations that form a family.

The psychology of family relations depends on the circumstances in which the formed unit of society lives and functions. Among them, the level of education of both spouses, their culture, values, morality, traditions, places of residence, morality, etc. are distinguished. The ability of spouses to unite and consolidate depends on these conditions. They leave an indelible imprint on the nature of family relationships, determine the specifics of such relationships.

Problems in the family, the dynamics of relationships, the reasons for divorce, loneliness in family relationships, family education - these and other issues are studied by the psychology of the family and family relations.

The average family usually consists of 3-4 people. Its core is spouses and their children. Often newly formed families live together with the parents of one of the partners. Each member of the family is characterized by being in continuous interaction with the rest of its members, plays a certain role in the family, worries about meeting some of the needs of the family as a whole or individually, as well as the interests of society. The personal qualities of partners, the nature of their relationship, determine the specifics of the implementation of the functions inherent in the family and its appearance.

Communication interaction in the family ensures the purposefulness and coherence of the efforts of partners to achieve certain goals that are vital for the family, to meet the individual need of a person in spiritual unity with a loved one. Spiritual relationships of spouses are an integral part of intimate ones.

The family, in a broad sense, is a socio-economic unit of society, which is characterized by the joint maintenance of household life and the family budget, various kinds of services are consumed, the needs for food, housing, clothing, etc. are met. The implementation of this economic function lies with both spouses . Deep mastery of the chosen professions guarantees stable wages to partners, and material wealth to the family.

Cultural leisure and education are the most important functions of the cell of society. Family leisure consists in creating a special atmosphere of warmth that allows the individual to fully open up and realize himself. The educational function is to take care of children and the older generation. It is on family upbringing that the child will grow up and whether he will be able to fully develop his personality and realize himself. It is also the responsibility of parents to protect the interests and rights of children, to take care of their spiritual, physical and mental development.

The psychology of family relations, as science notes, that with the progressive development of civilization, a number of disturbing trends are observed that indicate destructive circumstances in family life affecting marital and parent-child relationships. Such negative trends are associated with socio-economic circumstances: instability of the social system, employment problems, low living standards, changes in the traditional role structure of the family and the division of functions between partners.

The number of dysfunctional families has sharply increased, which are characterized by one of the partners or both (alcoholism, drug addiction,), a disorder of communication interaction, unsatisfied needs of partners for love, respect and recognition. All this causes a sharp increase in emotional and personality disorders of individuals, tension, anxiety, depressive states, loss of a sense of love, impaired personal growth.

Another no less alarming trend is the decline in the birth rate and the increase in the number of families with one child, which leads to a violation of the communicative competence of children who grow up in such families. The increase in divorce rates is also a major problem. modern society.

The psychology of family relations is designed to solve these problems, help spouses interact competently in family relationships, and show how healthy family relationships should develop after the birth of a child.

There is the following classification of behavior in the marriage of partners, proposed by Seiger:

Equal behavior is characterized by the expectation of equal duties and rights;

Romantic behavior is characterized by the expectation of spiritual harmony, strong love, sentimentality;

Parental behavior is characterized by the pleasure of taking care of another partner, educating him;

Childish behavior is characterized by the introduction of spontaneity, joy and spontaneity into marital relations, but along with this acquisition of power over another partner through the manifestation of helplessness and weakness;

Rational behavior is characterized by monitoring the manifestation of emotions, feelings, while accurately observing the rights and obligations of each other, responsibility and sobriety in evaluation;

Comradely behavior is characterized by the desire to become an ally to the spouse and the search for the same partner for oneself. The comradely type of spouse does not pretend to romantic feelings and perceives the everyday hardships of family relationships as inevitable;

Independent behavior is characterized by maintaining a certain distance in marriage relative to one's partner.

There is also a classification of marriage profiles: complementary, meta-complementary and symmetrical profile.

In a symmetrical marriage, both partners have equal rights and obligations, no one is subordinate to the other. All problems in such a marriage are resolved through agreement or compromise.

In a complementary marriage, one partner always dominates, and the second obeys, waiting for instructions.

In a meta-complementary marriage, a dominant position is reached by a partner who achieves his goals by emphasizing his own weaknesses, ineptitude or impotence, while manipulating the partner with the help of such behavior.

Each family, regardless of the manner of building relationships, has certain crises of family relations over the years.

The psychology of family relations is aimed at helping people overcome such crises without loss for themselves, it teaches individuals how to diversify modern family relations in order to avoid divorce.

Family law relations

Family legal relations are called property or non-property relationships, due to family law and regulated by family law, in rare cases, civil law. In family law relations, all participants in the process are legally interconnected by the presence of common subjective duties and rights. They arise as a result of the influence of family law on social relations.

Family legal relations of a different nature can be regulated, in addition to the norms of family law, by other branches of law. Based on the content of family legal relations, they can be divided into personal and property.

Depending on the specifics of the content, they are divided into marital and parental. If we take the subject composition as a basis, then family legal relations are divided into complex and simple. Complex legal relations, which consist of three participants in the process, in turn, are divided into relationships between parents and their adult children, parents and their minor children. Simple relationships are those that consist of two participants, and are between two spouses and between former spouses.

Based on the division of rights and obligations, family legal relations are differentiated into unilateral and bilateral.

By the extent to which family legal relations are individualized, they are relative and absolute. Relative - this is when absolutely all participants in the process are identified by name. Absolute - only one side of legal relations is individualized.

Based on the presence of public interest, family law relations are divided into imperatively regulated and relations characterized by public interest and the absence of such interest.

Legal relations regulated imperatively are observed during adoption. Legal relations characterized by public interest are observed in alimony relations. In such relations, the exercise of rights and obligations, the initiative of protection belongs to the participants in the process. Relations characterized by the absence of public interest are realized only on a dispositive basis.

Personal legal relations between all family members are considered to be the main ones in family law. It is they, for the most part, that determine the content of property family law relations. Based on this, it should be concluded that the content of family legal relations includes the rights and obligations of absolutely all subjects of such legal relations. The specification of rights and obligations, their scope are contained in the rules of family law, which regulate family relationships, such as the conclusion of a marriage union and its termination, personal and property relationships between partners, maintenance relationships between all family members, between parents and children, between adoptive parents and adopted children. and so on.

The subjects of family law relations are their participants, who have family rights and bear obligations.

In order to differentiate family legal relations from family relations that are not regulated by law, on the one hand, and on the other, from other legal relations, their following specific features should be distinguished. First, absolutely all family-legal relations are of a continuing nature. The second is that personal non-property family relationships are decisive and express a significant impact on property relations not by number, but by significance. Thirdly, family-legal relations stem from family relationships that are listed in the legislation, this is what the subject composition of the participants in the process intends.

Family-law relations are considered only legal relations between members of the same family. Other legal relations are administrative-legal or procedural. Regarding the relationship between individuals who only intend to marry, but have not yet registered it, it is generally accepted that no legal relationship arises between them at all.

Marriage and family relations

Marriage and family relations are a rather complex structure of modern society. According to official statistics, more than half of recorded marriages fail. However, it is difficult to name specific problems of marital relationships, because. Every family has its own reasons for divorce.

There are several main types of marriage and family relationships. Depending on the type of relations established in the newly formed family, one can judge the duration of the marriage, family relations, and how the formed unit of society will develop.

The psychology of family relations, based on family experience, divides marriage unions into newlyweds, a young family, a family expecting a child, a middle-aged family, older and older marital ages.

Newlyweds are individuals who are in euphoria after the wedding celebration, they still do not know what pitfalls await them on the path of living together and do not think that someday they will face the question “how to improve family relations”.

The young family is characterized by the understanding that love alone is not enough to build strong marriage that care, trust and mutual understanding are important in relationships.

The family in anticipation of the first child is characterized by serious changes in relationships, the formation of a new way of life.

Family relationships of middle age (about 10 years together) are characterized by the emergence of routine, all sorts of conflicts. This period is the need to revise the usual way of life and add new joint interests to it in order to preserve the family and previous relationships. Here the question “how to diversify family relations” becomes relevant.

The older family is characterized by the coming to the fore of joint interests and the ability to negotiate.

An elderly family is characterized by the appearance of grandchildren, a second wind opens up, a new interest appears - interest in grandchildren.

Depending on the number of children, families are childless (about 16% of all families), one-child (50%), small children (2 children) and large families (more than 2 children).

Based on their qualities of family relationships, marriages are stable, prosperous, conflict, problematic and socially disadvantaged. Also, families are complete and incomplete (absent for some reason one of the parents).

The psychology of family relations highlights some factors that have a destructive effect on marriage and family relations. These include:

Conflict relationships or family breakdown of the parents of one of the partners or both;

Living together with parents in their living space;

Intervention of parents in the relationship of spouses;

The use of either both partners, or one of them alcoholic beverages, drugs;

Numerous betrayals and lack of trust;

Any addictions of a negative nature of both of the spouses or one (for example, craving for gambling);

Forced separation of partners (for example, shift work or long business trips);

Excessive professional employment of the wife (such a family is called "bicareer");

Early or late marriage;

Marriage "by flight" (such a marriage is called "stimulated");

The birth of the first child in the first 1-2 years of marriage;

High conflict level of both partners;

Inability to have children for any reason or infertility of one of the partners;

Physical exhaustion or constant overload due to study or work;

Excessive selfishness of one or both partners;

Unrealistic expectations.

How to improve family relationships? This question has been worrying psychologists, sociologists and ordinary people who are getting married for decades. To save relationships, you should discuss them together, initially distribute responsibilities, determine all “possible” and “impossible”, not involve other people in relationships (whether relatives or not). There is an opinion that as soon as family problems become the property of society, the family begins to crumble at an accelerated pace.

The psychology of family relations notes that any family relationship has certain crises over the years, which occur at certain intervals. The first crisis occurs in the first year of the life of the newlyweds, the next in the third, then in the fifth, seventh, tenth, and then every 10 years.

Family relationship crises

Scientists have established the fact that people who marry by mutual agreement, and not by love, are much easier to overcome the crises of family life.

The birth of a family or the crisis of the first year of marriage of spouses. Probably, every person, at least once in his life, wondered why all fairy tales end with the wedding of the main characters and not one of them tells about their future life together. This is due to the fact that after a wedding celebration, after some time, difficulties are just beginning. Two completely different creatures, one of which is a man and the other a woman, begin to live under the same roof and run a joint household. With all this, each of them is already accustomed to a certain way of life. And although this stage is always characterized by an enthusiastic attitude, it often ends in disappointment, as expectations were not realized. However, if the partners consciously and deliberately made the decision to marry, there will be no particular difficulties in the first year of marriage. In this period, you should learn to talk with a partner, listen to him and hear. This period is always characterized by grinding partners to each other. Rose-colored glasses gradually disappear through the prism of which we saw the spouse, and it turns out that he is not at all ideal, but an ordinary person with his weaknesses, shortcomings and virtues.

For some couples, the crisis does not occur in the first year of life, but already in the third. It all depends on the individual character traits of the spouses, on the behavior of the parental families. In this period, you need to learn to respect your partner, and also to realize that all people have flaws, that the ideal ones simply do not exist. Although family problems in a relationship exist inseparably from each other, there are still no insurmountable obstacles in the way of two loving hearts.

The crisis of five years is characterized by the appearance of the first child in the family. Both parents are extremely happy about this, but they were far from imagining everything related to caring for the baby. This period is characterized by chronic sleep deprivation. Along with this, a man suffers from a lack of attention and affection from his wife, and a woman suffers from a riot of hormones that make a previously calm and reasonable lady transform into a vixen.

Family relationships after the birth of a child are among the most difficult, they show some alienation and cooling of partners towards each other. During this period, it is recommended to involve grandmothers or qualified nannies in the upbringing of the baby. It is necessary to distribute responsibilities so that a woman can rest. Caring for the baby should be the responsibility of both parents, and not just the woman.

The next crisis occurs in the seventh year of the partners' life together. These two significant dates are considered one of the most difficult periods of family life. The child is already old enough to be sent to kindergarten. The woman, feeling like a driven horse, who saw nothing but the kitchen, strives to go to work. It doesn't matter which one, as long as you don't sit at home. However, household chores remain a heavy burden on her shoulders. With employment, she will have to combine not only life, caring for her husband and child, but also her new job. At this stage, a compromise must be sought precisely by the strong half.

Ten years of living together is characterized by well-established life, intimate and spiritual relationships, communication, work. At this stage, the woman becomes the party initiating the divorce more often. The spouses were already fed up, and a little tired of each other. Most husbands complain that their wives stopped sharing their hobbies with him, began to ignore romantic impulses, which leads to the appearance of connections on the side. Young mistresses allow men to feel like young conquering hunters again. However, with all this, men do not even think about divorce. With the threat of exposing a vicious relationship, he easily breaks up with his mistress in order to start a new one after a while. For men, it is quite difficult to destroy an established life, a comfortable lifestyle, a family. They too appreciate their strength, which they spent on creating a family. In this period, you need to understand, be aware of the problems that have arisen and throw all your strength into the fight against monotony and monotony in order to save the family.

The psychology of family relations notes that the next crisis is associated with the maturation of children. They are already quite adults, they have their own interests, they no longer need parental care so much. An empty house in an instant causes a feeling of loss, uselessness, uselessness, emptiness and many other similar emotions. In order to take control over them, you should soberly assess the situation that has arisen and do everything possible to extract maximum satisfaction from it. First, you need to understand that life does not end with the departure of children from home. On the contrary, it opens up new opportunities for personal realization. This period is also characterized by the feeling that in professional activity everything has been achieved and there is nowhere to go further.

How to diversify family relationships? At this stage, you need to try to find new life tasks and re-learn how to live with each other. You need to understand that maintaining relationships is everyday hard and hard work, which should have a joint focus. This means that the family will survive only if both spouses want it together and jointly direct efforts to achieve the goal.

Family relationships and problems at this stage are to rethink your attitude towards others and your partner. Psychologists give several general models of behavior in the event of a crisis. First, you should never, as they say, "bite the bit." Compromise is the ideal way out of any problematic situation. Secondly, under no circumstances should you insult your partner as a person. If you blame your spouse for something, then you should avoid wording such as "you always ...". It’s better to stick to phrases like “I feel bad when you…”, “I feel sad to spend my evenings without you”, etc. Any conflicts should be resolved without outsiders. Thirdly, each of the spouses should have personal space. Fourth, try to show interest in each other's hobbies.

The psychology of family relationships emphasizes that a crisis in relationships, regardless of when it came, is another step forward, an opportunity to go beyond the boundaries of previous relationships.

A crisis in relationships is helping partners to realize not only the negative, but also the good, valuable that will unite and connect them. But the breakup of the family is a consequence of an incorrectly passed crisis. Never demand or insist on anything. Try to support your partner in everything. Don't sacrifice yourself for your spouse. And even more so, you should not reproach your partner with what you did for him, but he did not appreciate it. Remember, after all, you made sacrifices consciously, no one asked you about it.

The most important thing for overcoming any crises of family life is never to hush up a problem situation. We need to learn how to communicate with each other the current situation. The position of the ostrich will not work here. If you do not look for a way out of problem situations, the problems will only get worse. Do not think that the crisis itself has come and will go away.

Sometimes it is not superfluous to take a break from each other. Many psychologists believe that even passionately loving people should spend at least two weeks a year separately from each other. If there is a desire to maintain a relationship, and it is not possible to overcome a heap of problems that have fallen on your own, then you can seek professional psychological help.

On the other hand, if problems cannot be solved, maybe you need to look at the situation from a different angle? Ask yourself the question: is this woman (man) really suitable for you. And give yourself an honest answer to it.